The sun decided to peep through the horrendous and serotonin-depleting clouds in Ōtautahi for a split second last week. Reminding me of its presence was greatly appreciated. For a momentary blip in my winter existence, this moment made me reminisce on what it was like to be happy. Let's unpack that, I am not meaning to imply that I am unhappy, it is meant to be more of a relative term to compare the state of my being in winter time versus in summer. But alas, I fucking hate winter and you probably do too.
In this blog post, we're gonna dive into the facets of SAD. I don't mean to scream at you in capitalisation here, I am alluding to the acronym SAD which stands for seasonal affective disorder or depression. I don't think anyone can get over the unintentional accuracy of the acronym's spelling out of sad. Someone at APA (the American Psychology Association) really popped their pussy on that one. Also coming up in this blog post are shit weather cultural connotations combined with my own personal reasoning as to why winter - at least in Aotearoa - is genuinely feral and should be illegal.
So, SAD, what is it? DSM-IV (the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder) states that, "seasonal affective disorder is described as a pattern of major depressive episodes that occur and remit with changes in seasons. It may be seen in major depressive or bipolar episodes." Common symptoms of SAD are recurrent episodes of depression, hypersomnia (excessive sleepiness), appetite changes (inclinations towards carbohydrates), and weight gain commencing in autumn and continuing into winter. My dear friend Keighley who still remains as a majoring psychology student (I only minor in it now because I hate statistics and found a love for writing, go figure) actually inspired this blog post. She informed me that the DSM - the most official psychological source published by the APA - does not anymore classify SAD as a legitimate and seperate mood disorder, rather it is considered a "specifier." This means that it is contested whether or not SAD can even be considered as a syndrome. Why is this? This is simply due to the fact that too many individuals experience SAD throughout the colder months. In a way, SAD was not niche enough for DSM and was not allowed to sit with them at lunch time.
I am not coming on here to declare that I have SAD or anything, because without any sanctioned psychological confirmation of such diagnosis, it would not be valid. But, in saying that, I have not talked to anyone recently that is exceptionally thriving in this dull and gloomy climate.
Let me paint you the winter picture. It's the morning and so inevitably my alarm goes off. As soon as I have regained enough consciousness, all I can think about is, "for fuck sakes, I do not want to leave this cocoon of mine." After I've snoozed that beloved blaring morning gong of mine about 12 times, I become increasingly more aware of the all the shit that I have to do, so subsequently proceeding that is a, "fuck me" and I'll heave-ho myself up so that I am no longer horizontal.
It will be ridiculously freezing out of my bed, as expected, hence wanting to stay cooking in the oven. Accordingly, rushing myself to the shower is next on the line up. The shower is great, but getting out of it? Not so much. In winter, my personal fashion selections never are especially Vogue-worthy. It is more about Shrek's onion theory of course - layers! I make my way downstairs to the kitchen and nothing in the fridge tickles my fancy, so I recently I have just been opting for a dairy free UP&GO to fuel myself adequately for the day. Feral.
Feeling fresh as ever, it's time to get going on this glorious winter day. I joke, I do not feel fresh, and at this point I am still wishing to be in my bed. Stepping outside and smelling the roses is a promising prospect to relieve me of these morning winter blues. Alas, to my unexpected disappointment, the sky is grey, the wind is brisk, and the vibes are off. But, of course one must participate in our dearest capitalist society and I make my merry commute to university and the CANTA office.
Caffeine is essential as soon as I trod onto the UC campus. Something else has to wake me up because I'm sure as hell the damn cold has done the opposite. So all good, the caffeine high is mean but as soon as that completely wears off the tension between me and having a nap is unbelievably high. That really means that in winter time I am only efficient for about 3 hours of a 24 hour day. Wonderful.
Sometimes you have to experience the lows for the highs to be exceptionally good. It is along that narrative that I visualise winter as the low that makes summer so special, I'll inevitably cherish the sunshine more so if it is not there all of the time. On top of that, I can't recall where I heard this originally but think it is quite a fascinating point to share. Shit weather has the connotation of making one get in their feels. That being said, some of the greatest bands and musicians from the UK like The Beatles, Radiohead, and The Smiths made their music in shit weather. So you have to wonder would their music be as good if the weather that they were residing in was not as shit? Ironically, there might be a bright side to winter's gloom!
It does not help that I cannot ski or snow board for shit. The majority of my closet friends thoroughly froth the mountain and look forward to that in winter. But see, because I don't have that thing to look forward to, it just all round sucks. But alas, as soon as those daffodils start popping up and vitamin D restores itself to a normal level, I am sure that peace will be reinstated and all will be well. Until then, I and most of my peers will wallow away in our winter sorrows.
Artwork by Chloe Bolingford
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LINKS:
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This blog encompasses the life of a 21 year-old kiwi chica. Composed of stories, advice, life lessons, worldly observations and whatever else Ella's life brings to surface. For all of this and more, read my new found blog 'Born In 2000': established on the 28th of October, 2019. Where Ella Gibson explores her life that exceeds all limitations. Publications should be expected once a week. Be sure to take this present moment now and rock it!