54. Situationships

I feel like the relationship with this blog is quite the situationship. It is there, it exists, and it is reinforced by me paying a monthly fee to Wix. Yet it is quite informal and does not require any regular commitment. I don't promise you any regular or scheduled posting, dear reader. Back in the day I did, when I once was optimistic and wishful thinking was my middle name. Rather you just sort of pop up and read it whenever it is available and when the blog topic tickles your fancy. And if we go by the metrics of this year, you would be hooking up with my blog only for the mere third time this year - not a lot of action considering we're nearly half way through the year. Blog blue balls are a real thing apparently.


If we look at the very official and accredited source Urban Dictionary, the earliest definition given for a 'situationship' was in 2014. However, it has somewhat evolved since then. The most popular definition for a 'situationship' states that, "let's just be chill, have sex, and be confused on the fact that we are not together but have official emotions for each other." How good. That may be the most popular definition, however, my preferred definition for a 'situationship' on Urban Dictionary states that a situationship is "when one or two motherfuckers take part in a relationship, but out of fear of making things serious or messy, do not label it, leading to said relationship, ironically, becoming more serious and messier." That is the thing, the irony, right? You want to be chill and not put any labels on anything, but in turn, that uncertainty has a tendency to make things anything but chill.


So why on earth do we indulge in these situationships? And why do we now, more than ever, indulge in them in excess? Well, dear reader, buckle the fuck up because I'm here to investigate all-things situationship just for you. No need to thank me for doing God's work. Now I'm not saying that situationships are all bad, they're definitely not. Sometimes, one just simply cannot commit to something official and serious because such pursuits require a lot of time, effort, and admin. Often, one does just need to fill an intimacy void and a situationship can do just that!


I went to the most acclaimed of sources, Women's Health, who have ever so kindly compiled a list of the "11 Signs You're In A Situationship" so I don't have to do that myself. Cheers, Women's Health. I also thought a checklist would serve you well, dear reader. Witness the very original list below of the 11 signs that you're in a situationship:


1) "There's no natural evolution or growth."

2) "There's someone else (or multiple others) involved."

3) "You only make short-term or last-minute plans."

4) "There's no consistency."

5) "They always have the same (vague) excuse."

6) "You mostly small (and dirty) talk."

7) "You don't talk about the future."

8) "They tell you that they don't want to get serious."

9) "They show you they don't want to get serious."

10) "You're frequently anxious."

11) "You're getting bored."


How many did ya tick off? If you ticked off more than 5, I'm sorry to break it to you sweetie but myself and Women's Health think that you're in a situationship. By the way, this was not a collaboration with Women's Health, just to be clear.


What could have started as an innocent booty call quickly led to a friends with benefits arrangement, you've now found yourself in the vulnerable and dangerous feelings department where one hookup too many has placed you in the situationship realm. I think we can all speak to the exorbitant prevalence that situationships now have in our modern society. I mean they're everywhere! Most of your mates or even you could be in one right now. And I hypothesise that this is so due to a collective fear of commitment. Sorry, too much? But am I wrong though? You might meet someone and you connect with said person and it feels great. You hang out - or hookup - a few times and before you know it, you're thinking about this person a lot. You suddenly realise that you have unfortunately entered the domain of, "fuck, I kind of like this person!"


The realisation of liking someone may be an enjoyable and almost euphoric feeling for some. However, for others, such a sensation incites panic, anxiety, and the beloved ick. Am I wrong to assume that our generation especially tends toward the second and more negative response? Commitment can be too much, especially in the pursuit of yourself in the individualistic society that we live in where considering a whole other being in your daily decision-making may feel absolutely ludicrous and unattainable. Not to mention the idea of commitment after certain traumatic romantic endeavours may feel less than ideal.


On the flip side, commitment in this day and age with Tinder, dating apps, and social media has made commitment not as appealing. Why just have one piece of cake if I could eat the whole thing?!? Right? Well, my friend, let me introduce to you the paradox of choice. In my first year of university, I was sitting in my psychology class where this concept was presented to us innocent young freshers. In short, Barry Schwartz's 2004 theory illustrates why more is less.


Basically, Schwartz states that if one has many options to choose from, rather than making people happy and ensuring that they get what they want, can cause them to stress and problematise decision-making. You would intuitively assume that a plentiful array of choices would lead someone to making a satisfactory choice, well Schwartz and his studies begged to differ. His studies revealed that having a large selection of items to choose from actually makes it difficult in choosing anything at all. Ample choices "cause people anxiety that persists while they evaluate options and prolong the process beyond what is warranted for the situation" Schwartz declares.


No wonder Tinder has 75 million active users. As soon as you match with someone, the app does not take you to that match, it leaves you faced with another potential suitor instantaneously to maybe connect with as well. A breeding ground for commitment issues? I'll say. That's not to say that Tinder itself is completely responsible for this, it just serves as quite the satisfying metaphor for the idea that I'm trying to put out there.


Situationships exist and today their presence is flourishing in our society. They serve their purpose; fill voids of intimacy, give one the time to focus on self-growth, and they can be super convenient in specific chapters of one's life. Yet they also come without boundaries, are not consistent, and can become messy as fuck. Honey, you've got a big situationship storm coming! It is your choice whether or not you enter into one, but be aware of their implications and how sometimes situationships are not as smooth sailing as their waters may originally seem.

Artwork by Chloe Bolingford


Thank you so much for reading! If you have any further questions based on this blog post or anything else in regards to this blog, be sure to get in contact with me through this website or through the blog's Instagram linked below.


LINKS:


~ Link for previous blog post: https://www.madein2000.com/post/51-attraction

~ Link to 'Born In 2000' instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ellawasbornin2000/

~ Link to 'Born In 2000' opinion form: https://www.madein2000.com/we-want-you-r-opinion


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This blog encompasses the life of a 21 year-old kiwi chica. Composed of stories, advice, life lessons, worldly observations and whatever else Ella's life brings to surface. For all of this and more, read my new found blog 'Born In 2000': established on the 28th of October, 2019. Where Ella Gibson explores her life that exceeds all limitations. Publications should be expected once a week. Be sure to take this present moment now and rock it!

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